D&D Jokes

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What is the strangest thing you have seen as a PC or inflicted upon your players as a GM?

Well here is a glimpse into my DnD World:

PC1: Wow what a wonderful day tobe walking along a highway.
PC2: I concur.
PC3: What the hell is that?
PC2: It appears to be a gnome.
<Enter Gnome, running away from something.>
Gnome (screaming): AHHHHH! RUN AWAY! THE DIRE GERBILS ARE COMING! THE DIRE GERBILS ARE COMING!
<Exit Gnome.>
PC1: What the hell?
PC3: *shrug*
PC2: OH MY GOD!
<Enter a stampede of Dire Gerbils.>

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Try this 50 foot titan vs party..

Titan: leave now and i wont kill you.
Druid: Im gonna turn into a ferret and run away over the wall behind him.
Fighter: i like swords.
Are you retarded ?
Fighter: no?
Druid: i wanna pee off the wall.
DM: in which direction?
Druid: in the direction of the Titan
DM: ok...roll to hit the titan?
Druid: NATURAL 20!!!!
DM: OMG i hate you druid ok you peed on the titan what are you going to do next..
Druid: im gonna climb down the wall into Fighter's pack and eat his food.
DM: okay whatever
Fighter: what hes eating my food?
DM: yes
Fighter: may i punt druid?
DM: wtf? whatever roll for it.
< rolls a 20 sider>
Fighter: Natural 20 +2 from my str bonus..
DM: OMG you just punted druid over a 50 FOOT TITAN...

i was ^.^

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Evil Drow Pimpette: I must hook up an angel with a chick!
Half- Angel: Um, pureness and stuff. I don't like you, vile thingy.
Me: What is this? A town with an aura of bad insults?
Half- Angel: *kills Drow later*

Gith'Zerai Monk: (Wow, I finally convinced the GM to let me be a Gith'Zerai) Hum de dum.
Me: I'd suggest you watch your yellow monkey butt. I f'ing hate Gith'Zerai.

Half- Angel: Purify all y'all! By sticking a broadsword through the side of this here tavern!
Lycantherope Bouncer: Um, no. *knocks him out*

Lazos: I am an evil lycantherope with control over the shadows! Rawr or something.
Lycantherope Bouncer: You killed of all my clan but me. Die.
Lazos: No. *throws Lycan away*
Gith'Zerai: *finds silver and throws it at Lazos*
Lazos: It burns!
Me: No using player knowledge.
Black Dragon: I appear from nowhere and squish your legs. Then I go away.
Gith'Zerai: I had no Idea I could bleed this much.
Lazos: This be F'd up, I be out. *flies away*
Half- Angel: how'd he do that?
Me: He's got shadows at his beck and call. What more do you want?
Half- Angel: I go after him.
Me: Um, ok, he chucks you into a nearby building.
Half- Angel: How?
Me: He made a hand out of shadows and grabbed you and chucked you.
Half- Angel: Doesn't he have to succeed on a grapple check?
Me: Not unless your whole body is a hand.
Half- Angel: This sucks.
Me. Why don't you guys find out about him while you heal? And you get used to being unable to use your legs?
Gith'Zerai: Can I make a new character?
Me: No.

Fortunately for them, the guy controlling the Gith fell asleep because the Angel asked for a map, so I had to draw one. If you ever do D&D with me, never be a Gith, never be a Gnome, and most definately never ask for everything and bisnatch and moan about how you're not getting your fair share of info. Mr. Half- Angel was just about to lose the ability to fly, if you catch my drift.
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My brother makes an... odd DM. Imagine the Campaign setting in a twilight zone episode run by Monty Python based in Forgotton Realms. I have examples:

In an inn, there is a knock on the door. I open it. There is a zombie outside. He does not attack, but starts singing about how the undead are discriminated against by the living, and asking me to "be kind." I did what any self-interested Chaotic Good Rogue would do: closed the door and pretended it never happened. Moments later, I open the door again, and find this time a dwarf. "[outrageous scottish accent] Hi! I'm Ricky! Want to be Frends?[/outrageous scottish accent]" several other bizzare occurances happen, however, later, when about to enter the Werewolf Forest, randomly, "[Ricky]Be careful, and whatever you do, don't stray from the roads [/Ricky]" I took out my dagger, but a dimentional void opened and ricky was pulled in before I could attack. Later I was forced to be his friend in order to save my life.

Secondly, I had been promiced a reward to do something unpleasant, and at one point decided that it wasn't worth it, the events follow:

Brother: "The word 'Reward' appears in front of you."
Me: I eat it!
Brother: *turns page* "which letter do you eat first"
Me: {some letter}
Brother: It tastes like french fries.
Me: "Let me see that!"
Well, he did, in fact, have a sheet of paper, upon which he had written exactly what each letter tasted like. If that isn't wierd, I don't know what is.
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"With these seven easy steps, you, too, can be the authoritarian despot of your own principality. Machiavelli, your road to happiness"
"I shoot Flying Monkies!"
"Christmas had it coming its what it gets for taking over thanksgiving and threatening halloween with its weapons of mass consumerism"
"Death to All Fanatics!"

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A friend of mine is an evil elven wizard in a party of characters who do good things (BM the elf). During one encounter, they were looting a castle. At one point they were sniffing around the dungeon (not literally) when...
DM/Barbarian: Does everyone have what they want?
Cleric: Yep.
Rogue: Seems like it.
Wizard: Nope. I exit the jailcell and lock the door.
Cleric: (name withheld), you bastard!
DM/Barb: What?
Wizard: My character doesn't like doing good stuff deal with it. Have fun starving. My guy leaves the castle.
DM/Barb: After you exit the castle, a boulder falls out of the sky and crushes you.
Rogue: HA!:
Wizard: What? Why?
DM/Barb: Because you locked up my character to starve to death.

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DM: make an attack roll
Me: no, I want to shout in celestial 'surrender now or face the wrath of heaven'
DM: er...make an intimidate check
Me: 17, plus 4 for my charisma, plus 8 skill ranks...29
DM: (rolls for dragon) 12...the dragon, um...surrenders...
shortly thereafter, he started giving monsters bluff/intimidate